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Subject Guild to Atlanta
     
Posted by chivas on July 16, 2001 at 11:56 AM
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Message Just in case some of you may have forgotten - A Guide to Atlanta, Georgia:

Downtown Atlanta is composed mostly of one way streets. The only way to get to downtown Atlanta is to turn around and start over when you reach Greenville, South Carolina. All directions start with "Go down Peachtree......" and include the phrase, "When you get to the Waffle House". Except in Cobb County, all directions begin with " Go to the
Big Chicken........" .

Atlantans only know their way to work, and their way back home. If you ask anyone for directions, they will always send you down Peachtree.

They do not believe in turn signals or in red lights. Use of a turn signal on an Atlanta road is perceived as a sign of weakness, or as an invitation to pass you on that side. Plus it gives the person behind you an unfair advantage. You will never see a native signal at a stop light (if he stops) to change lanes, or to merge. NEVER!

Atlanta is home of Coca Cola. That is what they drink, so don't ask for another soft drink... unless it is made by Coca Cola. And even then, it's still "Coke". If you order tea, it will be iced and it is assumed that you want it sweetened.

You will find long stretches of the same road that, by law, change names every mile and a half. It's impossible to go around the block and wind up on the street you started on. The Chamber of Commerce calls it a "scenic drive" and has posted signs to that effect so that out of towners don't feel lost, they are just on "a scenic drive".

Reversible lanes are not understood by anybody, especially those who live there. Stay out of them unless you are looking for a head on collision.

"Sir" and Ma'am" are used by the person speaking to you if there is even a remote possibility that you are at least 30 minutes older than they are. "Sugar" is a more common form of address than "Miss". "Sweetpea". "Honey" or "Hon" is for anyone you know or just met.

If a single snowflake falls, the city is "paralyzed" for three days and it's on all the channels as a news flash every 15 minutes for a month. All the grocery stores will be sold out of milk, bread, bottled water, toilet paper, and beer if there is a remote chance of snow. If it does
snow, people will be on every street corner selling "I survived the Blizzard" T-shirts.

Construction on Peachtree Street is a way of life, and a permanent form of entertainment, especially when a water line is tapped and Atlanta's version of Old Faithful erupts. Construction crews are not doing their jobs properly unless they close down all lanes except one and this MUST occur during rush hour.

Atlantans are very proud of their racetrack, known as Road Atlanta. It winds throughout the city on the interstates, hence it's name. Actually, I-285, the loop aroung Atlanta, has a posted speed limit of 55 mph (But you must maintain 80mph just to keep from getting run over). It is known to truckers as "The Watermelon 500". Not to be confused with
the "Georgia 400" which is the equivalent of the Autobahn. You will rarely see a semi truck on the Georgia 400, because even the truck drivers are scared of the oversized SUV weilding housewives racing home after a grueling day at the salon or tennis match to meet their children at the school bus coming home from prep school.

The pollen count is off the national scale for unhealthy which starts at 120. Atlanta is usually in the 2000 to 4000 range and all roads, vehicles, houses, etc, are covered in yellow from March 28th to July 15th. If you have allergies, YOU WILL DIE.

Finally, never give another driver the finger, unless your car is armored, your trigger finger is itchey, and your AK47 has a full clip.

So let's try to understand the rules, and get along.

chivas 93TT
Stage III @ 9 psi

ICQ: 3377525
AIM: chivas07660

I'm sorry.
There's no such thing as making too much money or taking too many risks.

     
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